It’s Haggis

[3 Min Read]

“It’s haggis,” Hades mentioned indifferently as he lounged on an unusually comfortable looking couch made from the bodies of the damned.

“I-I-I’m sorry, sir?” asked Craig, the new intern at Elysian, knees clicking together as they wobbled.

Hades stretched his long blue leg into the air and flexed his impressive quadriceps . “The answer to your question – the one about becoming a god. You just eat haggis.” He snatched a goblet of wine, shaped like the top portion of a human skull, off the serving dish of a nearby demon and sipped.

“That’s it? Surely can’t be that easy.” Craig adjusted his large glasses on the bridge of his disproportionately thin nose. “Wh-When I asked everyone else, they got all quiet and-”

“Well of course they did, you little nerd!” Hades exclaimed, chucking his goblet in Craig’s direction and narrowly missing his head. It shattered on the cold black stone floor behind him, provoking a startled yelp. “Eating sheep’s stomach isn’t exactly something people tend to advertise.” He plucked another goblet of wine from the serving tray and smoothed the blue flames racing up the back of his neck.

“I’m not surprised my brothers didn’t spill the beans to you, a mere mortal. They start babbling and before you know it, everyone is a god!”

Craig clutched his binder of notes closely to his chest. “W-Why did you tell me then, your evilness?”

A toothy smirk appeared on the dark lord’s face. ”Cause I like seeing them sweat.” He stretched out his long and flabby blue arm to the teenager. “Let me see that notebook of yours.”

Craig shakily offered his binder to the god, who snatched it from his grasp and flipped to a new page. With a dramatic spark of embers, a small pen appeared in his hand and he quickly scribbled a note on the page. “Go to this address in Queens. Let them know I sent you, they’ll hook you up.”

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