The Face of Evil is Clean Shaven

[4 Min Read]

“Welcome to the thirteenth annual gathering of the ‘Horrific Monster’s Club.” A man explained excitedly to the gathering of nightmarish creatures sitting awkwardly in a semi-circle of metal folding chairs. A couple of monsters clapped their assortment of hands and tentacles in response to the friendly-looking man while the rest stared back in contempt.

“Now, I know we all come from vastly different backgrounds. So why don’t we all go around, introduce ourselves with a name, and a little something about ourselves?” He pushed his perfectly quaffed hair away from his face and looked to his left.

“Why don’t we start with you, big guy?”

“M-Me?” The powerful giant slumped his shoulders and tapped nervously on his cream-colored hockey mask.

The man patted him reassuringly on his grime-covered black jumpsuit. “You’re among friends here, young man. Just tell us your name and your favorite color!”

“Oh, okay.” The giant cleared his throat. “M-My name is Jason, and my favorite color is red because it’s what people leak when they get hit real hard.”

“Hi, Jason.” The group greeted in a convective monotone.

“Great job Jason!” The organizer leaned past him and pointed to the next. “How about you next, fella?”

A posh, well-dressed man with slicked black hair nodded and rose to his feet. “My name is Vlad, Vlad Dracul, but my friends call me Count.” He spoke through a thick Eastern European accent. “My favorite color is also red because it’s the color of that sweet, sticky-icky I crave from the nape of my seduced’s neck.”

“Hi, Vlad.” The group greeted with similar enthusiasm as before.

Vlad bowed with a flourish and sat back in his creaky metal chair.

“Very good!” The organizer clapped and turned his attention to the black and red sweatered individual to Vlad’s left. “And you? I like your hat!”

“Of course you do. Everyone likes the hat!” Arms crossed, the man tapped his long razor-blade fingers impatiently on his elbow. “How bout I ask you a question instead?”

The organizer flashed a pearly smile and straightened his pastel sweater-vest. “I’d welcome it! Fire away!”

The melted face man leaned forward in his seat and studied the handsome man a moment. “Who the hell are you supposed to be, exactly? Ain’t you a little too pretty to be in a group with us?”

The group leader laughed a mirthless chuckle and slapped the thigh of his crossed leg. “I’m afraid that’s where you are wrong, Mr. Kruger. I’m the most nightmarish creature here. I’m the living personification of Corporate Synergy!”

An icy silence washed over the room before the monsters erupted in an explosion of panic. All of them launched up from their wobbly chairs and ran, screaming, for the doors. However, no matter how much they pushed and shoved at the exits, the doors wouldn’t budge.

“Afraid you’re wasting your time with those!” The organizer chuckled another humorless laugh. He stood and adjusted his tie. “Now, who’s ready for a few trust exercises, eh?”

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