Portrait

[2 Min Read]

“Oh my God!” Cried a posh-looking man in a distinct Eastern European accent. “Is that really the size of my nose?” He brought his face so close to the still wet canvas that his forehead nearly smooshed the replica in the painting.

A youth rested his paint-stained arms on the back of a metal chair. His eyes tired and disinterested, he chomped away on a stick of his favorite gum. “Uh, yeah. Your honker is that big, bruh. You wanted photorealistic right?”

The man, attention still transfixed on his painted image, jabbed at his two distinctive teeth protruding from his upper lip. “A-And my teeth, they are that obvious?”

“Yeah, dude. That obvious.” The artist picked at the corner of his eye and groaned. “Look, man, we’ve been at this for hours. You good with the painting or not?”

The man poked and prodded at the various wrinkles on his face and around his lips. “I thought I was still good looking… Are you telling me I’ve been living a lie these past millennia- I mean – years?” He looked anxiously at the portrait artist. “You think I’ve still got what brings the boys to the yard, right?”

The young man pinched the bridge of his nose then stood out of his chair. “Allllright, I think we’re done here.” He informed while hastily gathering his supplies.

“Wait!” Shouted the elder creature. “I-I am still hot, right?!”

Tossing the last of his brushes into a canvas bag, the artist hastily made his way toward the door. “And don’t worry about payment, you clearly have enough going on. Just do me a favor and lose my number.” He shouted over his shoulder as he slammed the heavy wood door shut behind him.

The immortal cast the portrait to the side and dropped to his knees, “Why – WHY DIDN’T I GET THAT BOTOX WHEN I HAD THE CHANCE?!”


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